2019年XNUMX月–留下来的幸存者
This week's untold story centers on domestic abuse survivors who choose to stay in their relationship.本周的不为人知的故事集中于选择留在家庭中的家庭虐待幸存者。 The piece below, written by下面的部分由...撰写 贝弗利·古登，最初由 2014年今日秀。 古登（Gooden）是 #为什么坚持 在她的丈夫雷·赖斯（前莱斯·巴尔的摩乌鸦）的视频露面后，贾纳·赖斯一再被问到“为什么她不离开”的问题，所以运动开始了。
亲爱的Bev，
他又做了一次。
I'm sorry that he broke his promise to you.对不起，他没有兑现您的诺言。 You believed that last time was the last time, and why wouldn't you?您认为上一次是最后一次，为什么不呢？ Most people want to believe the love of their life.大多数人都想相信自己一生的热爱。 Yes, that's right.是的，这是对的。 I know you still love him even after he choked you.我知道即使他cho了你，你仍然爱他。 It's ok, you can say it.没关系，你可以说。 You love this man.你爱这个男人。
You feel lost without him even though you are afraid with him.即使您害怕他，您也会失去他。 It's a strange feeling right?感觉很奇怪吧？ To love a man so deeply and to fear him, just as deeply.深深地爱一个人，深深地敬畏他。 You can feel those emotions.您可以感觉到那些情绪。 You can feel whatever it is that you're feeling.您可以感受到自己的感受。 You don't owe anyone an apology for your feelings.您不必为任何人的感情道歉。
I understand why you stay.我明白你为什么留下。 The way he holds you after an altercation?吵架后他抱着你的方式？ It feels so good.感觉很好。 The negative touch followed by a positive touch… it warms you.消极的感觉再加上积极的感觉……它使您感到温暖。 It makes everything better.它使一切变得更好。 Well, everything except the bruises.好吧，除了瘀伤，其他所有东西。
And he takes care of you!他照顾你！ No man has ever taken such good care of you.没有人对你这么好照顾。 He protects and provides.他保护和提供。 He adores you in public.他在公共场合崇拜您。 His smile is so amazing.他的笑容真是太神奇了。 You feel lucky to have landed such a catch.你很幸运能落到这么一个陷阱。 A lot of girls liked him, and everyone at church speaks highly of him.许多女孩喜欢他，教堂里的每个人都对他表示高度赞赏。 But he chose to spend his life with you.但他选择与您共度一生。 So you refuse to let him down.所以你拒绝让他失望。
Bev，根本不是你。 There is absolutely nothing you can say;您绝对无话可说。 no way you can behave that would be perfect enough for him.你不可能表现出对他来说足够完美的行为。 It is not you, it is him.不是你，是他。 He is at fault.他有错。
But now you're thinking that those few times a month he gets angry enough to hit you can't outweigh the 27-28 other picturesque days you spend together making up.但是现在您正在考虑，每个月几次他生气到足以使您发怒，都无法弥补您共同度过的其他XNUMX-XNUMX个如画的日子。 Right?对？
对？
Or, could the other 27-28 days simply be borrowed time?或者，是否可以仅将XNUMX-XNUMX天作为借用时间？ It only takes a few seconds to end a life.只需几秒钟即可结束生命。 He could end your life.他可以结束你的生活。 Our life.我们的生活。
You could start planning an escape right now, if you want.如果需要，您可以立即开始计划逃生。 It will take some time, but you can do it.这将需要一些时间，但是您可以做到。 It'll be difficult and you will want to give up.这将很困难，您将要放弃。 There are resources out there to help you.那里有资源可以帮助您。 But be careful opening those links, especially if he is in the house.但是要小心打开这些链接，尤其是当他在屋子里时。
The choice is yours, Bev.选择是您的选择，Bev。 But only when you're ready, and not a moment sooner.但是只有当您准备就绪时，才可以很快。 No guilt, pressure, or shame.没有罪恶感，压力或羞耻感。 I can't say this process won't ache.我不能说这个过程不会完成。 You will be sad for a long time.你会很伤心很长时间。 You'll miss him and the life you had together.您会想念他以及您在一起的生活。 You will be afraid for your life.您会为自己的生命感到恐惧。 You'll wonder if you made the right decision by leaving.您会想知道是否通过离开做出了正确的决定。 Feel that;觉得; own that hurt.自己受伤。 Acknowledging the pain is a necessary step that precedes what I'm going to tell you next.确认痛苦是我接下来要告诉您的必要步骤。
Once the pain subsides, you will experience freedom.一旦疼痛减轻，您将体验自由。 Oh Bev, there will be such peace!哦，Bev，会有这样的和平！ Can you imagine that?你能想象得到吗？ It will feel like heaven.感觉就像天堂。 You will build a new career.您将建立一个新的职业。 You will find love again.您会再次找到爱。 You will experience healthy relationships.您将体验健康的人际关系。 You will make new friends and reconnect with old ones.您将结交新朋友，并与旧朋友重新连接。 You will get group therapy and meet other women like you.您将获得小组治疗，并结识像您这样的其他女性。 You will buy a car.你会买车。 You will have food to eat.您将有食物可吃。 You will have coffee to drink!您将喝咖啡！ You will survive.您将生存。 You will thrive.你会蓬勃发展。 You will breathe.你会呼吸。 You will live.你会活的。 We will live.我们会活的。 You will have the world at your fingertips.您将触手可及的世界。
当您准备就绪时，世界也会变得如此。
我会等着你。
爱，
BEV