2019年XNUMX月–支持死于自杀的受害者
This week's too often untold story is about domestic abuse victims who die by suicide.本周的故事常常不为人知，是关于因自杀而死亡的家庭虐待受害者。 Mark Flanigan recounts the experience of supporting his dear friend Mitsu, who died by suicide one day after disclosing to him that she was in an abusive relationship.马克·弗兰尼根（Mark Flanigan）讲述了支持他亲爱的朋友光津（Mitsu）的经历，他在向他透露自己处于虐待关系后的一天自杀身亡。
我的朋友因家庭暴力而丧生，很长一段时间以来，我都怪我自己。
My friend Mitsu was a beautiful person, inside and out.我的朋友光津内外都是美丽的人。 Originally from Japan, she was living and studying to be a nurse here in the US Her radiant smile and cheerful personality were such that people around her could not resist becoming her fast and genuine friends.她最初来自日本，在美国生活和学习当护士。她灿烂的笑容和开朗的性格使她周围的人无法抗拒成为她的快速和真诚的朋友。 She was someone who personified compassion, goodness, and had so much to live for.她是一个富有同情心和仁慈的人，为生活而活。 Sadly, Mitsu lost her life as a result of domestic violence.可悲的是，Mitsu因家庭暴力丧生。
I'd first met Mitsu about six years ago in Washington, DC, during the annual Cherry Blossom Festival.大约六年前，我在一年一度的樱花节期间在华盛顿特区认识了Mitsu。 She was volunteering there as an interpreter and wearing a lovely bright pink and white kimono.她在那里自愿当翻译，并穿着漂亮的亮粉色和白色和服。 At the time, I was working for a Japan-related educational foundation, and we were recruiting international students for our affiliated school in Tokyo.当时，我在一家与日本有关的教育基金会工作，我们正在为东京的附属学校招收国际学生。 One of our colleagues could not make it that day, and our booth was short-staffed.那天我们的一位同事做不到，我们的展位人手短缺。 Without hesitation, Mitsu (whom I had just met) jumped right in and started helping us out!毫不犹豫的，Mitsu（我刚认识的人）跳了进来，开始帮助我们！
Although she had no connection to our foundation or school, Mitsu happily insisted on doing whatever she could do for us.尽管她与我们的基金会或学校没有任何联系，但美津乐于坚持要尽她所能为我们做的事。 Of course, with her cheerful personality and wonderfully resplendent kimono, she drew many more interested applicants than we could have ever hoped for.当然，凭借她开朗的性格和出色的和服，她吸引了比我们所希望的更多的申请人。 Our own alumni volunteers were completely entranced by her, and quite humbled to see her dedicated support.我们自己的校友志愿者完全被她吸引住了，很谦卑地看到她的热心支持。 That's just one small indication of the type of truly selfless person she was.这只是她真正无私的人类型的一个小指示。
Mitsu and I kept in touch over the years, but one day she told me she'd decided to move to Hawaii.这些年来，我与Mitsu保持着联系，但是有一天她告诉我，她决定搬到夏威夷。 It was not an easy decision for her to make, because she had a full life and many friends in DC She was studying to be a nurse and was doing pretty well at it, despite the challenging curriculum and taking her program entirely in English, which was her second language.对她来说，这不是一个容易决定的决定，因为她在DC拥有充实的生活和许多朋友。尽管课程设置充满挑战，而且她的课程全部以英语授课，但她正在学习成为一名护士，并且做得很好。是她的第二语言。 Nonetheless, she felt a duty to her aging parents, as their only child, to be closer to her home country of Japan.尽管如此，她仍对年迈的父母作为其独生子女有责任离自己的祖国日本更近。
As a compromise, and to continue her studies with minimal disruption, she relocated to Hawaii.作为一种妥协，为了在最小的干扰下继续学习，她搬到了夏威夷。 That way, she could still study nursing (which was a perfect career for her) within the American higher education system while being able to fly back to her family in Japan as needed.这样，她仍然可以在美国高等教育系统中学习护理（对她而言是一项完美的职业），同时能够根据需要飞回日本的家人。 I imagine she felt a bit out of place at first, as she did not really have any family or friends there in Hawaii, but she made the best of it and continued her studies.我想她起初会觉得有些不对劲，因为她在夏威夷没有真正的家人或朋友，但她尽了最大努力并继续学习。
In the meantime, I moved here to Tucson, Arizona, to start my new year of service with AmeriCorps.同时，我搬到了亚利桑那州的图森市，开始了我在AmeriCorps的新一年的服务。 Not long after, I was surprised to learn from Mitsu that she had a fiancé, as she hadn't been dating anyone previously.不久之后，我很惊讶地从Mitsu得知她有未婚夫，因为她以前没有和任何人约会。 However, she seemed to be happy, and the two of them took a number of different trips together.但是，她似乎很高兴，他们两个一起旅行了许多次。 From their photos, he looked like a friendly, outgoing, athletic type.从他们的照片看，他看起来像一个友好，外向，运动型的人。 As she loved to travel and explore the outdoors, I took this as a positive indication that she had found her compatible life partner.当她喜欢旅行和探索户外时，我以积极的态度表明她已经找到了与自己相处的伴侣。
Mitsu试图弄清楚如何处理这种情况，非常害怕尝试离开他。 She wanted to go back to Japan, but was paralyzed by her sense of fear and shame at her terrible situation.她想回到日本，但对自己的处境感到恐惧和羞愧使自己瘫痪了。
I tried to assure her that none of that was her fault, and that no one deserved to suffer from verbal or physical domestic violence.我试图向她保证，这都不是她的错，没有人应该遭受口头或身体上的家庭暴力。 She had a few friends there, but none she could stay with for more than one or two nights.她在那里有几个朋友，但没有一个可以住超过一两个晚上。 I was not familiar with shelters in Oahu, but I looked up some basic emergency-related resources for abuse victims and shared them with her.我对瓦胡岛的避难所并不熟悉，但是我查找了一些与受虐者有关的紧急情况基本资源，并与她分享了这些资源。 I promised I would try to help her find an attorney in Hawaii that specialized in domestic violence cases.我答应我会设法帮助她在夏威夷找到专门处理家庭暴力案件的律师。 This support seemed to give her some temporary respite, and she thanked me for helping her.这种支持似乎给了她暂时的喘息机会，她感谢我为她提供的帮助。 Ever thoughtful, she asked how I was doing in my new position in Arizona and told me that she hoped things would continue to go well for me in my new environment.她想得很周到，问我在亚利桑那州新职位的表现如何，并告诉我她希望在我的新环境中事情会继续对我有利。
I didn't know it then, but that would be the very last time I ever heard from Mitsu.那时我还不知道，但这是我最后一次听到Mitsu的消息。 I reached out to friends in Hawaii and got the contact of a highly regarded attorney that I thought would be able to help her with her case.我与夏威夷的朋友们取得了联系，并得到了一位备受推崇的律师的联系，我认为这将可以帮助她解决她的案件。 I sent her the information, but never heard back, which caused me great concern.我向她发送了该信息，但从未回音，这引起了我的极大关注。 Finally, about three weeks later, I heard from Mitsu's cousin that she was gone.终于，大约三周后，我从三津的堂兄那里得知她已经离开了。 As it turns out, she had taken her own life just one day after she and I had last talked.事实证明，在她和我最后一次谈话之后的第二天，她就自杀了。 I can only imagine the relentless pain and suffering that she must have been feeling in those last few hours.我只能想象她在过去的几个小时中一直在经历着无情的痛苦。
As a result, there was no case to follow up with.结果，没有任何后续行动。 Since no charges had ever been filed against her fiancé, the police did not have anything to go on.由于从未对未婚夫提起诉讼，因此警察没有任何事情可做。 With her suicide, there would be no further investigation beyond the immediate cause of her death.她自杀后，除了她死亡的直接原因之外，没有进一步的调查。 Her surviving family members did not have the desire to go through the process of pursuing anything further in their time of grieving.她幸存的家庭成员不愿在悲伤的时候继续追求任何东西。 As saddened and shocked as I was at the sudden loss of my dear friend Mitsu, what hit me the hardest was that I hadn't been able to do anything at all for her in the end.就像我对亲爱的朋友Mitsu的突然失落感到悲伤和震惊一样，最令我震惊的是我最终无法为她做任何事情。 Now it was simply too late, and I felt I'd blown it.现在已经太晚了，我觉得我把它吹了。
While I know on a rational level that there is nothing more I could have done, part of me still blamed myself for not being able to prevent her pain and loss somehow.虽然我从理性的角度知道我无能为力，但我的一部分仍然责怪自己无法以某种方式预防她的痛苦和损失。 In my life and career, I have always tried to be someone who serves others, and to make a positive impact.在我的职业生涯中，我一直努力成为服务他人的人，并产生积极的影响。 I felt like I had completely let Mitsu down in her time of greatest need, and there was simply nothing I could do to change that awful realization.我觉得自己在最需要的时候完全让Mitsu失望了，而我无能为力地改变那种可怕的认识。 I felt very angry, sorrowful, and guilty all at once.我一下子感到非常生气，悲伤和内。
While I still continued to serve at work, I became anxious and withdrew from a lot of different social activities that I had previously enjoyed doing.当我仍然继续工作时，我变得焦虑不安，退出了以前喜欢做的许多其他社交活动。 I had trouble sleeping through the night, often waking up in a cold sweat.我整夜无法入睡，经常在冷汗中醒来。 I stopped working out, going to karaoke, and socializing in larger groups, all because of the numbingly constant feeling that I had failed to help my friend when she needed it the most.我停止锻炼身体，去卡拉OK并在更大的人群中进行社交，所有这一切都是因为不断感到麻木不仁的感觉，即我最需要帮助的时候我并没有帮助我的朋友。 For weeks and months, I lived most days in what I can only describe as a heavy, numbing fog.在数周和数月的时间里，我大部分时间都生活在只能描述为浓雾的雾中。
Fortunately, I was able to admit to others that I was dealing with this intense grief and needed support.幸运的是，我能够让其他人承认我正在面对这种强烈的悲伤，需要支持。 While I have not spoken publicly about it until now, I was helped greatly by some of my closest friends and my colleagues at work.虽然到目前为止我还没有公开谈论过这个问题，但是我的一些最亲密的朋友和我的同事在很大程度上帮助了我。 They encouraged me to seek out some way to honor Mitsu's memory, in a manner that would be meaningful and have some kind of lasting impact.他们鼓励我寻找某种方式来表达对Mitsu的记忆，这种方式将是有意义的，并且会产生某种持久的影响。 Thanks to their kind support, I have been able to join a number of workshops and activities here in Tucson that support victims of domestic violence and also work to help raise healthy and respectful young men.得益于他们的大力支持，我得以在图森参加了许多研讨会和活动，为家庭暴力受害者提供支持，并致力于养育健康和受人尊敬的年轻人。
I also started seeing a behavioral health therapist at a local public health clinic, who has helped me immeasurably to understand and work through my own complex feelings of anger, pain, and sadness around the loss of my good friend.我还开始在当地一家公共卫生诊所见过一位行为健康治疗师，他在失去我的好朋友时对我自己的愤怒，痛苦和悲伤的复杂感觉无可估量地帮助我理解和工作。 She has helped me to navigate the long road to recovery and to understand that the pain of emotional trauma is no less debilitating than a broken leg or a heart attack, even if the symptoms are not as outwardly obvious.她帮助我走过了漫长的康复之路，并理解了情感创伤的痛苦与断腿或心脏病发作一样令人沮丧，即使症状并不那么明显。 Step by step, it's gotten easier, although some days the pain of grief still hits me unexpectedly.一步一步地，它变得越来越容易，尽管几天来悲伤的痛苦仍然出乎我的意料。
By sharing her story, and highlighting the often-overlooked cases of suicide as a result of abuse, I hope that we as a society can continue to learn and speak out about this awful epidemic.通过分享她的故事，并强调由于滥用而经常被忽视的自杀案例，我希望我们这个社会能够继续学习并讲出这种可怕的流行病。 If even one person becomes more aware of domestic violence by reading this article, and works to help end it, then I will be happy.如果甚至有一个人通过阅读这篇文章而更加了解家庭暴力，并努力帮助结束它，那么我将感到高兴。
Although I will sadly never see or talk with my friend again, I know that her radiant smile and lovely compassion for others will never be dimmed, as she lives on in the work that we all do collectively to make the world a brighter place in our own communities.尽管我很难过再也不会见到我的朋友或与他交谈，但我知道她灿烂的笑容和对他人的慈悲永远不会消失，因为她继续从事我们共同努力使世界变得更加光明的工作。自己的社区。 I have since dedicated myself fully to this work here in Tucson as a way to celebrate Mitsu's all-too-brief time here on earth, and the amazingly positive legacy she continues to leave behind with us, even now.从那以后，我就全心全意地致力于图森的这项工作，以此来庆祝Mitsu在地球上度过的短暂时光，以及她至今仍在我们身边留下的惊人积极的遗产。